I have been thinking about this problem for a while now, and my thoughts on the matter have converged rather well with my thoughts on emotion and human relations. I have found a solution (that works for me at least) that allows me to handle these situations without feeling like an ass (if I were to return the favor, so to speak) or feeling like I have been trampled upon. To this end I am learning how to apply empathy. For example, lets say that someone I know snaps at me. In this scenario, I know that the person is normally soft-spoken and can very quickly work out that something in their life must have upset them enough, derailed their emotions enough, to act like that. At that point, it is very easy for me to feel sorry for the person, and pity how bad they must be feeling. When I truly feel sorry for someone, it is difficult to be mad at their actions (well, unless they are quite extreme, which I have not encountered). This works in a number of other similar situations as well. If someone I do not know says a mean word, I pity the life that lead them to such behavior. So this not only resolves my situation, but should make me a better, more understanding friend, and a kinder person.
To the end of learning empathy, hormesis is a wonderful tool. Simply take your normal hormetic experiments (maybe add a few), do them to the point of discomfort, and then imagine that feeling multiplied by various numbers. It is very humbling, but also strengthening.